no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
