we have pet lesbian snakes
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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