So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
