dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
