she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
