Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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