I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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