I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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