You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So. Much. Porn.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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