Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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