people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
