When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
