He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
