i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
