I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
