Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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