If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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