Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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