the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
