at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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