at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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