I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
