i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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