wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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