I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
