Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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