We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
