I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
