Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
