once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
