We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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