omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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