I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
