Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

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(334): View more from Alabama

The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.

Fav 13 1524 3512
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head

Fav 5 1392 4366
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(651): View more from Minnesota

He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.

Fav 11 2313 1551
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room

Fav 13 1552 688
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!

Fav 2 2049 785
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(574): View more from Indiana

My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.

Fav 1 1407 835
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(361): View more from Texas

Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"

(517): View more from Michigan

Wear something tight

Fav 1 871 536
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.

Fav 1 301 120
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