70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
