i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
