Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
