How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
