Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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