I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
