I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
