actually, I'm a sock model
i permit you to call me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
