Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
