Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
