I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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