what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
