U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he fucked my hip out of place.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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