oh god the rape fog is back!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's great music for shaving your balls
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
