she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
