did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
