I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
