i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
